nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
