So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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