i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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