Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
