mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
