I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
