Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
