the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
