your parents love me but you hate me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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