it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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