My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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