I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
