there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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