She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
