you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
