My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize