i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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