Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
