I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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