I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
