Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So much rum. So many feels.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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