So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
