Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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