Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lets start a swedish sibling band together
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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