I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
