New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize