i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
