ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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