Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
