it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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