i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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