I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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