Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
