your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
