I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
