I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My vagina is officially offended.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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