Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
