Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
