omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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