My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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