your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You made out with two different species that night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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