Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
