lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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