My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
its liver damage thursday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
