you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
