honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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