Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
