Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
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