The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
