omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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