at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
