Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
