I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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