woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
