She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
