she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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