so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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