You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
