Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
