I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
