I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
