Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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