His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
