Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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