One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
