the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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