i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
