I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize