I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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