Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
