She's JV to your varsity
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
