i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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