someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
did i just pee glitter
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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