Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
