I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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