My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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