I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
