I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
