kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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