He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize