is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
